RIDE number 107     Sat Apr 21^st    Red Lion, Gt. Sampford Kirtling (and Cheevely) Kenninghall

Scouts:: MrBossy, Elliot, Simon

    So it has come to thisŒ a hare has to write his own obituary under great pressure from the committee. The 21st April ride dawned bright and early, the hare knew this as he had to struggle from his pit at 5.45am (sunrise), 2 hours after co-hares had departed from the preemptive planning party at fortress Bossy. Cannonballs (nice visitor) adding to the mayhem by insisting we saw off the fortress Bossy collection of beverage! Bright and clear (for once) the efforts laying the trail in snow, hail and torrential thunderstorm the evening prior were not in vain. It was still there! I thank God for Foot & Mouth on this occasion - some would later disagreeŒŒ One last dash round and an alternative breakfast venue to sort impending piles.

    11am and nil show at Attleborough rail. A few P's laid in chalk to Wolf Brewery (Paddy thought the P was for him and missed the start! meeting us later in Kenninghall but remaining to drink rather than rideŒŒa few phone calls (thank God for the electronic age Crabbo) and the job was sorted covering everyone as everyone was still on Wintertime. We leave Wolf‘s kind hospitality a little fuller but not that interested in how it‘s made. Mr Bossy confirming beer can shrink the brain back to its usual size, or smaller! Remaining behind in the interests of self preservation (more beer) and knowing certain shortcuts it was a surprise to see a panicking Talking Bollocks (mega late arrival — even later starter) 20 minutes later reappear. He now meekly accepts missing the first dust. He can remember the statement 'on left past the Dutch Truck' visible from Wolf‘s. His own inebriation the night prior considered a feeble excuse. Mr B kindly moving the required 80 metres to put him On and also collecting Virgin Ford that TB had been shepherding and had lost in the 80 metres return to Wolf!

    With the time close to Crabbo and Upper Class Tart arrival given they were too lazy to get an earlier train, Mr B returned 5 miles to meet the 12.10pmŒ.NO XTRA BASHERS! What is the matter with them? Is Crabbo‘s hangover from the Batemans trip so bad from 2 days prior he has not recovered as his garbled message through alcoholic haze of 24 hours earlier had suggested? I shortcut, worried and dehydrated towards New Buckenham. At one point against the pack. They are On. Local knowledge from a passing toy boy of Mogul Mattress and VVW declined! Was the tow rope misunderstood as a bondage opportunity???

    You would have thought the sight of tightly clad black lycra thighs and Cresta run separation buttocks going the other way would have given them a clue for later. The usual tirade toward Mr B and his co-hares, which in my informed opinion was due to additional carbohydrate intake required, did not go unmissed! Mr B was happy to wait at each short cut to field additional comments.

    Virgin Ford (suitable future CRABs material) forced Cannonballs into the Kings Head restoring my faith in Bashing, however, they said it was in the interest of checking or was it the lunch stop? Checkpoint proved her worth in the village, the only one impressed by the deliberate loop and successfully following itŒ..

    Umplebore now muttering profusely about a 3 at the front of his odometre. It‘s not my fault they were so keen on checking. Mogul Mattress and Virgin virgin‘s wife (Sue) were not impressed at seeing the hare again — local knowledge not meaning a lot — 2 miles since the turn back which they now passed the other side of by 20 metres, 50 yards from where the hare had been seen going the other way! What is it about Mummy‘s Boy I hear at this point he has 3 checks correct first time so MM and VVW sit on a check and follow him every time. Due to age ratio — shouldn‘t it be the other way round?

    SoftKnob seeing the light and requiring a rest manufactured a puncture on tarmac. He tried to refuse Mr B‘s help perhaps thinking of his own lunch by shortcut which had been ably manufactured by TB evening prior when stating ' where was lunch he might appear later!'. This knowledge was now common to most of the pack who had opened the brown paper bag jobs (No not cash incentives to ride) so VVW‘s got to do the airfield and all it‘s bumps leading to physical attack on Mr B — she also declined his ministrations and saddle seat alteration. They headed for lunch. Farting Martin in the vanguard, still going at speed, first to the checks by design or intelligence? No one knows! One occasion waking Mr B at a check!

    The Red Lion at Kenninghall restoring everyone‘s vitality with it‘s fine mix of Wolf and chips! The posted theme night menu perhaps putting CRABs‘s off with reference to 'Dog' on Thai nightŒ..Umplebore thinks he now has a 4 showing on his odometre! Surprise surprise UCT and Crabbo appear a little lost perhaps doing their own CRABs thing on an A-B and in possession of a fineable O/S map. The trouble is they got the wrong station — Thetford! Crabbo is now fired up for the 2nd half (talked a good game — Yarmouth to Barmouth or something about passing Fortress Bossy before etc etc). The rest of the pack may have bribed them to pick up the trail earlier — who knows???

    The hares now fed up at the continuing acid comments about laying more flour (we only used 1 bag but 4 sacks of sawdust) buggered off to lay the 2nd half. It didn‘t help, or was it the hills? MM splitting off to become baby-minder, spotting the pack in Grove Road heading for the zoo, she put them right telling them 'no pub at the zoo' they still got lost! Reporting to the hares, they are unable to put them straight as they shortcut home — poor Crabbo and UCT, late and miss the trail on arrival. Relief! The hares have been wise enough to arrange 'phone a friend' and the remnants on the pack are On! They congratulate each other from the Griffin at the thought of no involvement in down down misdemeanours!

    Short cutters arrive, somehow finding the only pub serving Wolf. Umplebore now complaining there was a 6 at the front of his odometre. SK and TB chuffed as hell at completing last half but only 6 miles and 3 checks — wasn‘t difficult was it??

    Down downs the usual mixed debauchery based on above with Mr B as usual volunteering to help. Crabbo must really have been out of sorts as seen recovering on gassy beer and going the wrong way (with the one-way) on departure.

    Note: the above is a true and correct rendition of events with intended to anyone with a close reference to anyone mentioned in the above.

    Anon anon anon anonŒ..XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

    Stop PressŒŒŒ.Crabbo was seen doing trail notes on arrival! An impossible task if you only did 10 minutes in the afternoon. Or will his alternative A —B also appear for this the 107a ride?

On!On! Mr Bossy

   The CRABs would like to thank MrB for later culinary entertainment put together by his own fair hands, including a visit to the bearded moustachioed landlady at his localŒkisses free and the following day's post mortem carried out by Rugrat, aged 6, proving the next generation of CRABs can follow the trail even if this one can‘tŒŒ..

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