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Mismanagement
4th-cumming
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Scouts:: Boy-named-Siew, Beaver
The weekend's happening's included the usual sort of CRABs trail - plenty of the wrong sort of mud, and a lunch stop at a well-known Red Lion. The pub being warm and dry and the outside not, there was a certain reluctance to get moving again, and there were of course the inevitable post-lunch punctures to fix. But the promise of another refreshment stop and another built-in short cut for the Bramblers, eventually got the pack moving again.
The FRBs were again kept guessing by the hares and only the very cleverest got to the pub (another Red Lion!) before the bramblers. A night of drunkenness and debauchery was promised, but the pack were too shagged out from the day's exertions to be doing with all that dancing, eating and drinking. Underwear, Ettles and Lightning (hereinafter referred to as the band) were energetic enough and indeed had obviously put in a mountain of work on lyrics and technical things like music, but although the spirit was willing the flesh was weak and most people went to bed before closing time.
Amazing really: all that free beer and no-one with the energy to drink it!
Scouts:: Crabbo, GoldFlinger
After a night disturbed by a cacophony of grunts, rumbles and some rather more frightening noises echoing around the gymnasium, we all emerged at an improbably early hour to find that a new committee was probably in charge, but that no-one was likely to remember it's make-up.
The trail (precisely the 100th to be ridden by the CRABs) set off a bit later even than usual so as not to get to the Boot before it opened! Hairs of dogs were consumed and bids for the freehold of the pub were discussed, before the pack set off again in pursuit of the live hares Crabbo and GoldFlinger. At this point some of the visitors decided to peel off in the direction of Newmarket and go for a 'proper' ride, taking Mummy's Boy and SoftKnob with them. Our two CRABs heroes may have preferred to do the
On!On! Crabbo
Scouts:: Liz, Roger & Ed
It was a beautiful day, blisteringly hot and sunny. Somewhere. Somewhere else. Not, unfortunately, in Great Sampford, where it pissed down as around 16 of us assembled our bikes outside the Red Lion and waited for instructions from Liz.
We set off in the rain, wondering what the hell we were doing and when/if we would start to have any fun. Thankfully the rain didn't last too long - there were showers throughout the morning, but the afternoon was dry.
Ed and Liz's trail took us through undulating Essex countryside - along country lanes, across fields and farm tracks, with plenty of checks, but despite our best endeavours, we didn't manage to lose anyone. Not even Jim, who failed to understand that checking out a route for half a mile and blowing a whistle downwind of the pack is unlikely to be heard. We went through Great Bardfield then a long road stretch to avoid four miles of heavy mud, before reaching the White Hart at Great Saling, where we stopped for lunch.
A renegade splinter group calling themselves 'Bramblers' did a shorter route, meeting up with the rest of the pack at various checks and looking decidedly cleaner and more refreshed. They also made it to the lunch-stop first, no doubt to ask the pub staff to lose Pringle and Talking Bollocks' food orders. Grrr. (Future hares take note - it was only (marginally) funny the first time...)
After lunch we gave the hare a head start so that, at the pack's request, the trail could be adjusted to go through some 'heavy chod'. Something (terrain? beer? lardiness?) proved too much for Crabbo' saddle bolt, which sheared off halfway across a field, Crabbo narrowly avoiding becoming a falsetto. We huddled round the broken bike, consulted an impressive range of tool boxes, suggested improbable and bizarre solutions, and found little that we could mend it with, until Umplebum fished out a ... (wait for it) ... velcro strap. Ingenious! (No doubt he'll be selling them next!)
Pity it didn't work then really. Crabbo finished off the trail quietly, joining the Bramblers as soon as we met them again, more to preserve his remaining dignity than to avoid any physical risk.
On, and on, via Shalford, Waltham's Cross, Finchingfield and back to the Red Lion at Great Sampford. We raided the last beer from the Village Fete's beer tent before having a go on the crockery smashing stall and the tombola, winning luxury prizes, such as Umplebum's wine rack and coasters, Talking Bollocks's Molton Brown toiletries, Strooth's £1 coin holder. But I think I topped them all, with my 'Rubber on a Stick', which caused much amusement among the North American contingent. Talking Bollocks also bought a gas lamp and some plumbing hoses (for his mum, apparently - yeah Rob, right). We popped to the Red Lion for a warm up and a quick drink, before heading back to the Schwier's for plenty of down-downs.
Puncture League - Final score: Doghouse 1 Rest of Pack 0
Many thanks to Liz and Roger for their hospitality, and to Ed for co-haring. Top trail!
On!On! Pringle
Scouts:: Meredith & Yeti
Quite a good sized pack gathered for a slightly late start, setting off towards the river, only to run out of flour. The trail was found entering the country park. We toured around the park along small tracks encountering checks at what seemed like about every 50 metres. This caused a fair amount of confusion, especially when we left the park and started heading straight back towards the pub, finding a mark only 100m from the pub, which looked like OH (On Home???) It was only 7:40pm, could this be the shortest ever bash? It was in fact a check with a number 4. The number meant that we were to be asked a question about Canada (it being Suzie & Ian's last bash before leaving for Canada after getting married earlier in the week). The questions were rather strange with a choice of 3 silly answers. Anyway, we continued, not to the pub but around a housing estate. Alistair joined us here; although it's not unusual for him to be late, on this occasion he was misinformed of the start time. A few more checks and questions then over the A10 and a quick re-group with Meredith handing out maple & pecan nut confections to the pack, again in honour to Ian & Suzie.
We then went onto some tracks in the countryside, by strawberry fields and orchards to Landbeach. It was along here that Crabbo laughed as he saw Jill falling off after her front wheel entered a large hole and then promptly did exactly the same himself. Later they compared bruises! We cycled through the village and a short time later we were back at the A10 to discover Steve waiting at the Slap Up for a beer stop. Suzie insisted on having a Labatt's!
On leaving the beer-stop the trail went to Waterbeach and a few cunning checks took us to the river, over the locks and eventually to Clayhithe. After getting onto the towpath back towards Cambridge the on inn was seen which was a fast bit of single track along the river back to Milton. All were back safely without tumbling into ditches - even Meredith.
Back at the pub, those that had pre-ordered supper were soon fed. Down-downs were given to Meredith & Steve as scouts, several virgins: Lea & Tony from Australia, Tony, Karen and Rebecca; Gaynor for her new mountain bike's virgin trail (Sally is hoping for commission); SoftKnob for stealing strawberries and Checkpoint & Umplebore for the first wedding photos (check out the pics , ed).
A few more beers were imbibed and several of the pack went back to SoftKnob & Gobbler's empty house to make a start on the last barrel of beer left over from the wedding celebrations.
SoftKnob & Gobbler will be sadly missed, though they will be back.
On!On! Umplebore
Scouts:: Umplebore & Checkpoint
A rare fine warm morning saw this bash off to a staggered start. The first group setting off about 11:15 from Audley End station and the second group about fifteen minutes later when the second train had arrived. Apparently WAGN have trouble fitting too many bikes into one train. The trail was sufficiently foxy though, that the chasing group soon caught up with the advanced party.
The scouts had laid a good mixed trail, some road work and many tracks and grassy trails, a little mud but not too sticky for once. Well up to their very high standard.
A couple of mechanical problems struck during the morning. Doghouse had to stop to fix the first of his 3 punctures of the day. He has these clever tyres which are virtually bald in the middle - for optimum road work - and knobbly on the edges for grip in the shiggy. They don't work, of course - and they are prone to punctures...
The second problem was a broken chain for Chris Chapman. Unfortunately no one else was aware of the problem and Chris didn't have the tools to sort it out. The rest of the pack only found out about this at lunchtime when we managed to get through to him on a mobile phone, and he had decided to give up and go home. Sorry, Chris.
Lunch was at the Fox and Hounds at Clavering. The management and staff were very welcoming and the excellent food was served quickly and cheerfully all except for our virgin riders, Michael and Gill, who were forced to pinch everyone else's chips until their food was finally served. Doghouse fixed his second and third punctures... So suitably re-energised we set off for the second half.
Lurcher had abandoned her usual hybrid to try out Schoolboy's Dream's new all terrain bike. Her eulogies about this machine whetted Gaynor's appetite to give it a trial too, the "Teflon tourer" being something of a handful on the lumpy bits of the trail. So started the great musical bicycle saddles game. Kinky "lost" this game and ended up on the Teflon tourer, while Lurcher soon decided she wanted the Dream machine back... Anyway all 3 got down-downs for this behaviour so it was worth while in the end.
The afternoon ride proved just as enjoyable as the morning and ended up at the friendly Bell in Wendens Ambo. The still fine weather meant we could wind down in the garden and finish the day off with the now traditional "sitting-down" circle. (What is this bash coming to?)
On!On! Kinky
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Mismanagement
4th-cumming
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