If you're in trouble, he will save the day
He's brave and he's fearless, come what may
Without him the mission would go astray,
He's Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer,
Without him life would be much grimmer,
He's handsome, trim, and no one's slimmer,
He will never need a Zimmer.
---
He's Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer,
More reliable than a garden strimmer,
He's never been mistaken from Yul Brynner,
He's not bald and his head doesn't glimmer.
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Master of wit and repartee,
His command of space directives is uncanny
How come he's such a genius, don't ask me,
Ask Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer
He's also a fantastic swimmer
and if you play your cards right, then he just might
Come round for dinner.